Friday, March 31, 2006
These verses have been on my mind since I read them and I am wondering how they can impact my life...I am going to ponder them, meditate on them, memorize them.
On a food note, I am 5 days without sugar. I am feeling good, like the detox is over! Going to school next week, continuing on this, is going to take a lot of organization...but, not the end of the world. Speaking of which, I need a snack - maybe some corn tortillas and salsa!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
I was thinking last night that this no sugar thing is working well for me [now that I am on day #4 and I don't want to lick anyone!]. I am not Catholic and do not usually celebrate Lent, but the concept often intrigues me, as does the monastic meditations and deprivation as to align one's heart & mind with that of Christ. so I had a thought. I want to know Christ in a deeper way. so this is my commitment between now and Easter morning [and it might just go on from there].
- no sugar [see list from my other post!].
- galations - chapter 5 - a verse a day to meditate on.
- Henri Nouwen's "the Way of the Heart" - one passage a day.
these 3 things call for big change for me. deprivation of a fleshly desire - SUGAR!!! something my body can do without & when all is said and done, something maybe I need to avoid on a larger scale. commitment to not just reading the Bible, but meditating on it...carrying it with me in my day, having it weasel it's way into my heart. and learning about solitude, silence & prayer...which means that 10 minutes out of my day, I need to spend alone with my book. no kids, no husband, no TV, no computer, no stamps, no interruptions. just me, God & Henri and my big bottle of water.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
I am not usually about the deprivation, but I think this could be good for my body. This is what I am NOT eating this week: cake, chocolate, lattes [or any flavored coffee drinks], soda, baking of any kind that has sugar [muffins, cookies, brownies, pies], candy, white flour, white rice & white things in general!
so, DAY 2...HERE I COME!!
Monday, March 27, 2006
I am trying so hard to stay away from sugar today, but I SOOOOOO want to eat the cake that is sitting on my counter. and the almonds in the freezer [they are covered in chocolate!]. and the sugar on nate's face. LOL
I CAN DO THIS!!!
Sunday, March 26, 2006
as I am writing, ty is gagging again...another bout of puking baby. I so do not have the energy for a sick boy. he doesn't have the energy either.
I went to the gym this evening and learned a couple of things about myself:
- when I do not keep track of my food, I lose track and over eat
- when I am tired and driving in the car with 2 small children for longer than an hour, I eat crap
- when I am standing at the chip bowl at a party, I eat the chips
- when I don't pay attention, I forget to drink water
- when I don't follow my good habits, the old ones rear their ugly heads
- when all of this happens, I gain weight and don't lose it.
so, a crack down is in order. still deciding how/what exactly, but I know there will be a healthy dose of cardio done this week, as well as some short-term planning for meals and the like. bottom line: when I fail to plan, I plan to fail.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
k, now the opera was pretty darn good, but the funniest thing was the hockey-esque moment at the beginning when they were introducing the shows for the new season. there was an audible sound when Barber of Seville was announced. and an even greater response when Macbeth was announced. I nearly laughed aloud! the mass excitement of Edmonton's elite was too much for even them to contain!
heading off to bed...just wanted to comment before I sleep off the glow!
I am heading out to glendon tomorrow with the boys. I have a su! workshop to do for cor. that should be a lot of fun!
ty is trying to cruise around the furniture...I don't remember nate doing this at 9mos. he's going to be walking in no time.
k, nothing too deep today, nothing too pressing on my mind.
and susan, the blue grosgrain is sitting by the door waiting for you!
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
on another note, today was kinda crappy - steph was sick, so couldn't watch ty; it took us a half hour to dig my car out this morning in front of john's mom's house; no one in the city has any goats milk in stock; brown came but no one was home, so no stamps...grrr. alas, some days are just not meant to follow the plan. I think for supper I will eat some comfort food - oatmeal & apple!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Monday, March 20, 2006
I am going to see if I can I can manage something part time for the fall. I am going to look into the 4-1 plan that Edmonton Public has where I work for 4 years, they pro-rate my pay and then I can take 1 year off with pay. I am going to really start praying about john's job situation - either a raise or a better job. and then I am going to do one more thing. I am going to look at my job as a ministry - yes, nate & ty need me, but they get to come home to 2 parents who love them and love each other...I cannot say that for the kids that I teach.
but, this is what I need to do right now, in this moment. and I need to stop being all blah about the whole thing. this past year has taught me a lot of things, about myself, about my relationship with my family, about my relationship with God. I was telling erika today that I was worried that I wasn't going to be able to take care of me. bottom line, I need to change my priorities. my relationship with God needs to come first, "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will given unto you". if I care for me first [in a spiritual sense], then I will be able to continue to make good choices in how I treat my body, I'll be able to care for my children and my family and I will be able to serve God, using the gifts he has given me...in my job. and what is the thing I can practice in all of this? goodness. seeking first the kingdom of God. seeking His righteousness.
I can do this. because I am NOT alone in this journey. not all will fall apart as I transition into this new phase of my life. so I am going to just stop complaining about it.
I tried Marcy's pancake this morning...very tasty, very healthy. just not too sure what to do about the splenda that the recipe call for. it's not something I keep in my house, so today I used real maple syrup to sweeten it. it actually made 2 good-sized pancakes. I could almost half it. the rest of my eating day calls for yogurt, apples, tuna, salad...and whatever other veggies I feel like. with this much fiber in my system, I will just have to be vigilant about the water today. hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!
here's the recipe: [how I made it this morning]
1/2 rolled oats
3 TBSP 1% cottage cheese
1 small carton of egg whites [equivilant to 1 c]
cinnamon [lotsa, lotsa!]
1 TBSP maple syrup [or I guess, splenda to taste]
mix with a hand mixer [trust me!] and bake like a pancake.
not that it's more fiber than my other oatmeal recipe, but if I plan to do this for a couple of days, that could get interesting!
I did go to the gym this morning & burned 300 and some calories off my butt...FEELS GOOD!
03-19: consistency: 2L/0; exercise: 0
Sunday, March 19, 2006
I spent a lot of time talking to alex this afternoon about school stuff. I am feeling a bit more confident about the whole thing now. tomorrow and tuesday I am going in for the morning to meet with the kids, take a look at the routines, meet with the new TA, and just generally get a feel for things. I am not too worried, and the closer I get, the better I am feeling about it. maybe last week's anxiety has left. eating wise, today wasn't great - a fat-laden breakfast and just general rotten snacking and not nearly enough water. tomorrow I am going to head to the gym in the morning and start my day off with a "marcy pancake" and see if I can do the no sugar thing.
03-18: consistency: 2.5L/0; exercise: 30 minutes @ 2pm!
Saturday, March 18, 2006
well, we had a fun time at the party last night. it was just so nice to be out without kids for an evening. and it was nice that the boys let us sleep in until 9am!
went to the gym this morning & I am down 2 lbs this week! WOOHOO!!
03-16: consistency: 2L/0; exercise: 0
03-17: consistency: 2.5L/0; exercise: 30 min @ 7pm!
Friday, March 17, 2006
and, tonight we are going out, so I am not feeling very motivated to get back on track. would it be so awful to have a day to just wallow? question is, why am I wallowing [this is me not enjoying the wallow]? I think I just wish that we could afford for me to stay home. I like my teaching job, but I like my mom-job better. I get tired just thinking about how to do a good job at both. can I do it? of course. I just am going to miss the freedom of coming and going as I wish, meeting up for coffee, taking the kids to the mall, doing laundry in the middle of the day...those kinds of things. I just worry that I am going to neglect myself in all of this. I have been working SOOOOO hard to take care of myself emotionally & spiritually that I don't want that to suffer, then overeat, gain weight, get discouraged, give up... I've just got to make sure that I include time for me, somewhere in all my giving to others.
this whole half marathon thing will keep me exercising [which is VERY good] and Marcy just gave me a copy of a diet that I might try to get me off sugar [the big thorn in my side]...as long as my milk supply doesn't suffer and I am eating enough calories, I might just try it. it would mean giving up the lattes... I don't celebrate lent, but maybe between now & easter, I should do a fast of sorts - a sugar fast. I'll have to do some thinking on it...
lots to ponder today - st. patrick's day is one of my fave, so maybe I'll just stop over analyzing and just enjoy. maybe John will come home with flowers [I doubt it, but you never know!].
Thursday, March 16, 2006
03-15: consistency: 2.5L/0; exercise: 40 min @ 6am
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
I am off to drive Nate to my mother-in-law's for the day, then maybe I'll go to IKEA with Ty - I need some napkins!
03-14: consistency: 2.5L/0; exercise: 0
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
03-13: consistency: 2.5L/0; exercise: 0
Monday, March 13, 2006
03-12: consistency: 2L/1 exercise: 0 [not a great day]
Sunday, March 12, 2006
03-11: consistency: 2.5L/0; exercise @ 8am - 30min
Saturday, March 11, 2006
good: being positive or desirable in nature; not bad or poor
"Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." [Ps 23:6]
This is one of my favorite references to the word "goodness" in the Bible. I like webster's definition of good - being positive in nature. Philippians also says to dwell on things that are good - I like that whole part in Philippians...whatever is true, honourable, right, pure, lovely, good, excellent, worthy of praise - think on these things. So if an "output" of having the Spirit in me is "goodness", then good is what I want to be.
Now here is the next question: am I remotely good? HECK NO!!! so any goodness that could possibly come out of me and be remotely pure, then it must be Christ in me. Maybe that is why it so bothers me when people say that they know they will be in heaven because they are good people. grrr. goodness is a "Christ" trait. So, along with all of the other things I am currently working on in my life right now, I am going to add to it this one: I am going ask God to develop goodness in my life...then actively work on developing this trait in my life. Do I have a plan in place to see this happen? nope. but, I am going to have a chat with my creator about the whole thing. He's good at coming up with plans for my life that are much greater than anything I could ever come up with.
yesterday was a poor eating day for me, made bad choices as far as quality & quantity. good thing that everyday is a new day. I like that about life. and, I started the morning right; went to the gym at 8am [the saturday morning version of 6am!] and burned over 200 calories right off my butt! and the scale says that I am down another pound, so all in all, an okay morning [other than the headache, the screaming child, the firetruck noise making child and the husband who is drinking pop at 10:00 in the morning...grrr!]
on a completely other note, I was happy with how John's moms present turned out!
03-10: consistency: 2.5L/0; exercise: 0
Friday, March 10, 2006
I did not get up at 6am this morning to go to the gym. grrr. I will still go today, but I am annoyed that I let myself talk me out of getting up. no excuses.
I'll write more later...there is a lot on my brain right now.
03-09: consistency: 2.5L/0 exercise: 0
Thursday, March 09, 2006
well, off to take the kids out into the wind & snow...
03-08: consistency: 2.5L/0 exercise @ 6am
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
I had a thought on goodness in the night - how it is different from being good; not too sure how yet, but I am off to investigate...I will let you know what I find!
and my quiet moment was just that...I hear ty stirring!
03-07: consistancy: 3L/0 exercise: 0
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
I've been coping out of writing this week, but I had a thought today. galations speaks of the fruit of the spirit. goodness catches my eye...I am going to spend some time reflecting on this [mentally], so stay tuned for my ponderings and thoughts on goodness [ooohhh...a teaser, to keep y'all coming back for more...all 2 of you!!]; all of galations 5 is packed with a ton to ponder, so I will deconstruct this chapter & what it means to me - after I've spent some time meditating on it!
well. at least the bathtub got scrubbed.
I need some coffee. and now I am off to get my hair cut.
03-06: consistency: 3L/0 exercise: 6am!
Monday, March 06, 2006
Sunday, March 05, 2006
today is ultra busy, but that's okay...john will take nate & I will take ty...nothing quite beats the divide & conquer strategy!
Saturday, March 04, 2006
gee, I have another post with the same name!! wonder why???!!
I took nate out this afternoon...to the urban scrapbook & chapters...2 tantrums. he has never pulled crap like that in public before...boy oh boy, talk about trying my patience! then we stopped at starbucks and the lady was baby talking to him and asked me if she could give him a treat. yeah, right! I told her the mom would be taking a treat. not too sure if she knew what to do with me. I was just right annoyed by the whole thing.
grrrr. but, he's been doing well with the potty training. well, the meatloaf is almost done and I am HUNGRY!!
I had a kick-ass walk at the gym today...upped my time to 40 minutes and did hill intervals, 5 minutes at a time. it's like finally my legs can keep up with the rest of me. I like that!
yesterday, I drank all my water & didn't touch the chocolate bars...monday morning, I am going to go to the gym in the am...that should be a RUDE wake-up call! these are my goals for the next month...I want them to become habits and not a chore. they say it takes 21 days to create or break a habit...consider the last 24 hrs DAY 1!
so in light of all things good and special, I am getting my butt off this chair; I so need a shower...
Friday, March 03, 2006
Thursday, March 02, 2006
I have succumed to the 200 block yet again. this is the point that I always cave and go back to old habits. those old habits are like the old sinful nature. when you are not up to par & activly working on your relationship with God, you fall back in to your old nature...the pre-Christ way of doing things. we were reading in galations this past sunday. galations 2:20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." [NAS]
so here's my thought: if Christ lives in me and it is no longer I who lives, then EVERYTHING I do needs to be through faith and not by the flesh. I guess I have always looked at this in just a spiritual sense, figuring that God didn't really care if I ate whoppers on the sly or ate to sufficate my icky, blah feelings. He does care...and not only does He care, but since He is in me and I live by faith and not by my flesh, then I don't have to muster the will power to do anything, but I do it for a whole other reason.
I am still processing all of this...my revalation of His Word in this way...but all of a sudden, it isn't about me. not only is it not about me, but it really isn't about me in any way, shape or form. it's about everything I do, say, eat or don't eat giving glory to God. now, is this an easy fix? HECK NO!!
but...God cares and sees and knows and feels and hurts and loves and knows...knows me better than I know me, and therefore I can trust Him. not only can I trust Him, but He is with me in this struggle, in my bad eating days and in my good ones...when I don't want to go to the gym and when I eat half a box of whoppers on the way home from zellers.