okay, so about this week...

school has started [for teachers] & I am already grinding my teeth. although I am not really comfortable with talking about it in such a public way, I have been making a SERIOUS effort to be truthful and authentic with people. it's hard to speak the truth, but it's the only way I can do my job and feel good about myself. as it stands right now, it's going to be a tough year for that kind of thing. I just really need God's grace in this...and patience.

the family reunion was super fun, relaxing and just a nice time. some of us hiked down to the lake [see the picture I posted a couple days ago!!] and hung out at the super blue lake. we stayed in an rv [so unlike john & I]. we played with the boys. we spent time family. we drank a lot of baileys. it was all good.

marcy & andrew leave on sunday.

it's been a crazy week. and I'll post one more picture!

don't feel like much...

there is way too much going on right now, and I don't really know where to start or how to process, so I will spend some time blogging tomorrow. in the meantime, here are some of my FAVE reunion pictures [which was a really fun time, btw!!]...

and this is how I really feel...

I am just feeling so utterly overwhelmed right now.
tired.
sore.
headachy from all the sugar I've had tonight.
prepped for tomorrow night.
frustrated.
happy.
sad.
are there other emotions?

this summer has gone by way too fast. I went with the boys today to their new dayhome. and of course, nate loves it [she has cool toys]. and ty loves everything. I so wish I only worked a 4-day week. then all in the same breath, I am SO ready to go back to school. I know I should cut myself some slack over my parenting skills. I am not perfect. nor will I ever be. nate has been driving me nuts - I know it is a combination of me being tired, pms-ish, on a mission, and him being 3. I just want to enjoy my last few days home with them, not be annoyed and frustrated and crazed by my wonderful, moody, loving 3 yr old. and then there is ty, whose new thing is giving kisses. I love those boys. and so thankful for them. and I always want my face to light up when they enter a room. enough about that - I am making myself cry.

I am watching the messengers on tlc right now and this quote just caught me...I typed it as I heard it and maybe I am here, down here, watching tv late at night for a reason: "live your life making change, not waiting for it" [cornelious flowers]. so as always, time for a kick in the butt - quit mopping, cor. get a grip. stop waiting for it all to come to you & start making it happen.

we're MOVED!!!

YEEHAW! And here are the pics to prove that I have pictures up on the walls [okay, so none of these pictures prove that, but y'all know that I do!!]...so glad the hard part is OVER :)

they're driving me nuts

the kids, that is. ty has fallen off the couch 3 times this morning. nate pushed him one of the times. every toy in the house seems to be "owned" by nate, therefore anything ty touches...well, you get the idea! I know a huge part of it is being cooped up in an apartment filled with boxes. although I totally understand all of nate's confusion, it still doesn't excuse the behaviour. where is my camera...this is almost photo material! here it is: both boys fighting over toys in the midst of boxes!!

at least I got a ton packed yesterday! now to see how much I can get done today...

some pics from the race

WE FINISHED!!! and I hurt SO badly, but we kept a steady pace & came in at 3 hrs, 25 minutes!! this pic is of rae & I before the race started. I think there is one lone picture on Ben's camera of us finishing the race. what an amazing experience. john & ben & all the boys were at the top of groat road cheering us on, my mom & joy were on 149 st cheering us on, and my dad, joe & karon were a block before the finish cheering us on. the other picture is of the boys coming to cheer on their moms!

there were a couple parts of the race that were really tough. I had a hard time with groat road for some reason...funny since we walk it all the time. then the big hill out of mckenney ravine. I had to seriously talk to myself about that one...gave myself the persevere speech, listened to the driving beat of the music, and let myself be cheered on by absolute strangers. and I did it! then the last 2 km. who knew 2 km could be so long and hard. I literally had to will my legs to keep going. a tough mental battle, but seeing rae in front of me [I was slowing down, she was sprinting to the finish!!] keep me going. then, crossing the line. the beep of my shoe tag, my name being announced, all the well wishers. and WE DID IT! and I would do it again...and might just do it in february.

I had a huge soak in dad's hot tub this afternoon...and tomorrow I will be working out all the kinks while I pack some more. regardless, it is 9:20 and I am so incredible exhausted...so heading to bed!

persevere

I can see the marathoners from my front window, crossing the 107 st bridge. and I had some strange dreams in the night. although I do not consider myself very competitive, I think this race, today, could change that. I am just so excited about participating, doing, being active. the fact that I know my body can do this. it's exhilarating. ben & rae will be here in mere minutes to pick me up...and in about 1 hr, 15 minutes, I too, will be crossing the bridge. which brings me to my title. perseverance. hold on. don't fear. you can do it. you can finish. peresevere.

W427

that's my number for tomorrow's race...who would have thought that I'd be doing a race?? how totally bizarre is that? john & I got so much done today - the boy's room is completely packed, as is a lot of the rest of the house. it was so nice that aunty & uncle eric took the boys all day. we also went to the market this morning...boy, did I know a lot of people! the honey lady, the pasta girl, ran into joe [cousin] & the guy that we met at irene's st patty's day party, but whose name I cannot remember. john & I also went out for a nice dinner tonight. mmmm! and tomorrow is really the big day [can you tell that I am a bit amazed??]. and on that note, I should be heading to bed. I will have to fill everyone in on the rest of my week...the hit & run and all of it. but like I said...heading to bed! GOOD NIGHT!

2 more sleeps!

until we start walking...21k! I can't believe that it is almost here...all the training & walking & hills & time in our shoes! unbelievable!

8hrs

well, he let me sleep! and today has been a pretty good day all the way around. off to do some web tweaking - I have some sites that need to be worked on, and hey, anything not to do packing!!

although I am really too tired to do this right now,

if I don't I will lose what is in my head. two things happened to me today. okay, let me clarify. they did not happen to me, I had the tv on! first, I was watching TLC's "the messengers" and the topic tonight was perseverance. just what I needed to hear at the end of the worst eating day I've had in a really long time. there were 2 speeches that totally had me in tears - robert rutherford [supposedly not his best speech, but the content had me tearing] & cornelious flowers, who started his speech with: "don't tell me what you can't do" and ends with "tell me what you can do - persevere". on a night where I have crapped out on my life by going back to my old habits of stuffing my face insead of going to bed. I am so exhausted, yet not in bed. grrr. I am out of sorts, but the message I can't get out of my mind is the one of "persevere. go on. you can. don't fear."

and then there was the other show I happened to catch tonight: weighted [tonight was jocelyn]. I am so tired, I can hardly get all my thoughts out, but I am feeling inspired to make good choices for tomorrow. jocelyn said something in the show tonight that resonated with me. it was something like "the only difference between the me then and the me now are the choices I make".

well, it's off to bed for me...'cause you know nate will be up super early. grrr. maybe the mom will get a bit of reprieve tonight and have good little boys who will let her sleep in!!

I should be packing...

but instead I am stamping & watching a TON of tv! okay, so I've been hitting the gym this past week HARD CORE...and it's having some payoff's. although I still hate exercising, I am feeling better about myself, my health, my heart, my legs...you name it. I am feeling super good about me right now. I have lost another 4lbs [finally back to my end of June weight...grrr!] but still not under 190. double grrr. I have to say, it's not from a lack of trying.

august is turning into a crazy, busy month...moving, packing, cleaning, school [getting ready for], walking, family reunion, stamping, stamping, stamping. I am a bit discouraged that I don't have any workshops booked for this month, but that's okay...not too sure when I would fit that in with everything else that needs to get done.

john & I have been making some pretty big financial decisions as of late, as well - a bit stressful to finally have to be adults, when really I still want to be the kid. we need to buy a car & we need to responsibly deal with some of the debt that we are in. pray for us as we make these decisions. as everything good in life, it takes work. I am realizing as I take this journey in losing weight that other issues in my life are bouncing to the surface...and that I need to deal with them in the same fashion as I am dealing with food. expose the problem, take responsibility for my choices, talk to God, talk to john, deal with it head on. so far, so good...but I could really use your prayers. change is hard - internal, especially. the external is just a bi-product of the internal. God is good though, and faithful and for that I am so thankful!