NYE & the great purge

be warned...it's a long one!!

I am SO not the new years resolution person. I figure it's a bunch of nonsense and trouble - unrealistic expectations and big let downs. however, I am having a bit of a moment about it today. a bizarrely contrary moment, at that.

went to church this morning & we did something a bit different. first, there was opportunity for people to share what they were thankful for. then we had opportunity to go up to the front and smell some incense [I totally can't remember what it was, but seems to me dean said it was something that would have been in the temple] and pray a prayer of repentance. then we went to the other side of the stage and washed our hands in a basin, to symbolize a fresh start. there is something that always resonates with my spirit when I do a physical or public act of repentance; like the many, many people that have gone before me and participated in acts of atonement, knowing that God is merciful and forgives.

I am reminded of the day of atonement or yom kippur - a Jewish holiday that is usually remembered usually in september. a day where a fast is kept, and sins between man & God are atoned. it originally comes from levitical law [lev. 16:29-30] and has been kept by jews since then. I am so moved by the idea that it has been celebrated for thousands of years by thousands upon thousands of people. it, for the jews, is honoured as a "new years" of sorts - a spiritual cleansing that leads to a new start [not to be confused with rosh hashanah, the day that is celebrated typically as the jewish new year!]. well, today was my day of atonement.

when I think upon this past year, I know where I went wrong. it's the same place where I always go wrong. I think I know best. I am selfish and self-indulgent. and it's wrecking me, my health and my ability to be a good wife & mother. I feed my soul with food and shopping. and finally, today, some reprieve. forgiveness. atonement. for the first time in a really long time, I feel freed. lighter somehow. although, the road back is going to be a long, laborious one, I feel like I somehow have the energy to fight back.

SO, this year, I am going to make some new years resolutions.
1. my weight and my health are going to take the #1 spot on my scheduled list of priorities. I know that john has my back on this & is my biggest fan. it's all good.
2. I am going to pull a susan! I am going to host "thankful thursday" on my blog. she was doing it a while ago, but I was thinking that I would pick one lone thing that I am thankful for and give it some air time.
3. I am going to purge my house of the clutter - toys, unused clothes, crap food in the cupboard. I started today, and will be continuing all week!

and, I refuse to just make some resolutions and keep them as such - more on the how it's going to happen...tomorrow!