Thursday, April 29, 2010

don't go chasin' waterfalls


I swear that the older I get, the more PMS I get. today, I was a bear. my poor nate got the brunt of it. deserved? never. justified? not really. pushing all my buttons? absolutely. overtired? you betcha. finally, after having an argument over why cool whip is not an appropriate snack in bed [can I have cool whip? no. can I have cool whip? no. - x20], I walked away, closed my door and cried. seriously bawled my eyes out. I sat on the hard, cold floor of my bedroom and sobbed. "I can't do this mom thing. I'm awful. I am wrecking my child. I'm damaging him for life." all things that were going through my head. then, he came into my room, sat on my lap and hugged me. he wiped my tears and asked if I was okay. we talked about how I want him to grow up to be a kind, obedient boy. I apologized for yelling. I told him that he needed to go to bed. he asked for cool whip. after I said no, yet again, he asked for a banana.

this exhausts me. emotionally and physically. I don't know how people in their forties have babies - babies turn into toddlers, preschoolers and grade one boys. more work that I can deal with in a day.

that all said, I feel rotten. tomorrow I will hug him again and make sure he knows he's loved. and I am grateful that tomorrow is a brand new day - fresh with no mistakes in it. [courtesy of Miss Shirley from Anne of Green Gables] grace new every morning. for this I am thankful.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


okay, I've missed you, my dear blog. I have been busy - both physically and emotionally. I've come home at the end of my days absolutely drained, only to have to clean the house, pack up the kids for another showing...almost every night for the last month. today, things have turned a bit. I feel that I can breath. the house is in pending, three weeks until we are out of here, the new house is a month ahead of schedule. sigh. there is so much more to this story - one that takes place over a cup of coffee and not in a public forum. regardless, dear blog, I am going to make this up to you. I am going to post everyday for the next three weeks. everyday until the may long weekend. that is the goal. and soon, we will be friends again.

Nate - playing with sticks! and Ty, chillin' after his piano solo!