Saturday, May 29, 2010

this time tomorrow...

we got to do a walk through the new house today...just a little over one month!! WOOHOO!!

inside the new house - standing in the living room, looking at the kitchen!
below, the view of the front door...I am going to do a "hook" wall on that wall to the right [hang all sorts of hooks at different heights - I've been collecting some from anthropologie!! they have initials and pretty patterns on them!]

so we've officially moved out of the old house and are now living with John's mom. although the kids are having some adjustment problems, it's all going really well. the boys are not liking the 645 wake up time and the crawling in the door after soccer much later than normal [like almost 8pm]. three days a week we have a crazy schedule. add a haircut and a grade 9 farewell dinner this upcoming week and it's looking busy again!

so to add to my plate [or maybe to take care of myself in the midst of this chaos], I went back to weight watchers today. it had been over two months since I had last been, and the damage, although evident, was not as bad as I had anticipated. I was up 6 pounds. but, it being the first day of my cycle and having spent four hours last night eating [we were at the melting pot...YUMMY!], I'm not feeling too bad about it. and I set a goal for myself - that I would walk for 45 minutes at least 5 times this week. so today, I went on the treadmill at my mom & dad's for 45 minutes. it was good. I feel good. and maybe this time around, my behaviour needs to change before my attitude changes. I am not feeling all "rah-rah" about my life right now, but maybe I need to stop waiting to feel it and just do it. okay. so the kids are driving me nuts. it's 938 and they should be sleeping. grrr.

Saturday, May 22, 2010


the theme song for the fifa world cup of soccer. it starts in a couple of weeks and we're excited to be watching and cheering for the netherlands. nate is pretty excited. I like being a soccer mom. I like bragging that my kid scored 8 goals the other night. ty was SOOOOOO proud of himself!! no mention of the fact that his opposing team basically stood still and picked grass!

and in other news, our house is in a storage container. todays load up went really well, but we're super tired. lots to do still tomorrow - but it has more to do about garbage. ick. LOL. off to get boys to bed. we're at my mom's house tonight [they're not home] and the kids are a bit out of sorts! alas, one month and it will all be good. sigh.

Friday, May 14, 2010

I'm super-duper. no really.

HA! it's wild and crazy here in the fraser household. SUPER NUTS! one more week and 80% of the moving will be done. if only I had no distractions and other things hitting my plate...uh-umm...nevermind. I'd still procrastinate. I may be a pro at moving [I own a saran wrapper thing AND two tape guns], but I am not really pro at handling my mouth. it's hard to keep it all in check when my head isn't in the game. and I've really mucked it up in the last few days. I've been judgmental. I've said one too many swear words in front of the kids. I've made promises that I've promptly forgotten about. I've missed appointments. I've taken out my frustration on people that really needed kind words. and in those moments, I've felt like I am 12 years old again. like a crazed, out of control pre-teenager. no wonder I am popping pepto every day to keep my stomach decent. sheesh. I think I may spend the weekend alone so I can stop having to apologize so much. now I just need to find some people to help us load up the pod. I hate asking. I have moved one too many times.

and in other news, I've had a good week. I ate smartly, did a couple walks, invited a couple of teenage girls for dinner on monday. yeah. three deaf teenagers in my house on monday for supper. it just doesn't ever get dull around here.

wish me luck.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

come thou fount

o to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be
let thy grace now like a fetter bind my wandering heart to thee.
prone to wander, lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
here's my heart, o take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above

I've often used the metaphor of the kite and the holder of the kite to describe my life and my relationship with John. I was this very airy-fairy, loose flying kite before I met him. he grabbed that string and has been holding on for dear life ever since. luckily for him, this crazy kite has stopped flying so out of control to the point where there is this syncopathy [yes, I made that word up]. this harmony. the problem is that I am getting restless. a bit more than I have been in a long, long time. I think this is for a couple of reasons - I've been in the same job description for 3 years [longer than any other time in my career]; this has been an enormously stressful spring and I haven't been able to have the same type of connection with my husband that I typically need [I need time with him - time without the stress of kids, time just hanging out]; we've bought a house [a terribly adult decision with very adult responsibilities]; nate's been out of sorts and I don't always like the kind of mom I am with him; ty's been generally sweet and wonderful and I feel guilty that I sometimes like him more than his brother [although I know this was not the case even six months ago when all roles were reversed]; I have fallen off the wagon with my diet & exercise and I really am not liking the extra-extra 10 pounds I have to loose to get back to where I was in october.

discontent. restless. unhappy? I really don't know. maybe stress is masking and morphing my emotions and my reality. I have no reason to be unhappy. I am uncertain though, and historically change brings out the crazy in me. so, this is me breathing deeply. enjoying the moment. loving that I got the phone call saying that we get possession of our new house a full 5 weeks earlier than expected. instead of stressing about all the details, I am going to enjoy this moment. the one where the holder of this crazy & the kite that gets to be held onto in a forever kind of way get to move into their very first house of their own. eeeeekkkkkk!!!

and in other news, I stayed within my points today. I made good nutritional choices. I walked for 50 minutes and included a significant hill. and tomorrow I will endeavor to do the same.

Monday, May 10, 2010

st veronika

so there has been a rampage of bowel illness in this house for the last two weeks. first it was ty [took a half day off for that extravaganza] and then it was nate's turn last weekend [a lovely combination festival] and then this weekend it was me. too good to be true. I don't get sick very often [other than the odd cold/sinus gig], but this was a bit icky. so much so that I stayed home from school today - 'cause ewww gross. the kids are still not 100% and neither am I, but since I now own pepto bismol in several varieties, I feel like I can confidently leave the house.

all that, and I had an epiphany today. during my slight bought of energy this afternoon, and knowing that I couldn't stray more than 10 metres from the toilet, I did some packing [only 2 more weeks, folks!]. during my packing, I tried on some clothes and got a nice look at myself in the mirror. all that work I did last year to remove some poundage from this body has got to s*it. okay, not all of it. I will be SHOCKED if I get on the scale tomorrow morning and see that awful number I saw 18 months ago, but it is not where it was in October when I had hit my 10% mark. so I did something radical. I took some pictures. now, I took the pictures and that was a HUGE step for me. I am not quite ready to post them. but, I am ready to do something about them.

and today, I started doing what I know works...eating less, moving more. I ate less [and yes, it totally helped that I was sick and had no appetite!] and I went for a 4o minute walk this evening. thank you, little pink pill! and although I have so little motivation coupled with an enormous amount of stress, I think I can do the same thing tomorrow. and then we'll try again for wednesday. if I don't, then that AWFUL number will show up on the scale yet again and then it will take a big ol' smack upside the head to get me moving again. I am going to beat this "no motivation" thing with a good healthy dose of perseverance. we'll see if it works for me.

Monday, May 03, 2010

theme song

what is the theme song of your life? and really, by life, I mean current life - let's be honest, one song cannot encompass an entire existence, can it? I rotate between a couple [currently]:
steal my kisses by ben harper
sorrow by bad religion
uprising by muse
gives you hell - the glee version!
just by titles alone, looks like I am going through some sort of emotional crisis!! more like I am listening to stuff that kicks some ass. I am rather tired of feeling old. and boring [okay, I don't really believe that I'm boring]. I just feel rather blah. icky. not myself. what does this do with having a soundtrack? well sometimes I think that when you change the recording in your head, it can change your attitude. a change in attitude can change behaviour. I need a behaviour/attitude change. I need a bit more zing. I need to give more hell.

oh, and here's the latest house picture - taken on sunday! we have full-on siding and it's continuing to look more and more like a real house!! LOVE THAT!

what are the tunes playing in your head?

Sunday, May 02, 2010

if you're happy and you know it...

so, I had big plans to show you updated pictures of the new house and for some reason they disappeared. if I can get that all sorted before I'm done this post, I'll show ya! apparently, they are still a month ahead of schedule - which I think is a good thing. we are here in this current house for the next few weeks, but it's going to be CHAOS between now and then. in addition to soccer three nights a week, we've starting packing. I figure if I give it a go every second night or so, then it should be done in no time. the hard part is that we are going to live with John's mom for about 6 weeks. figuring out what to take with us could be the interesting bit. part of me just wants to take my entire closet. and I may just do that. I like having choice. I think I'll be okay with the kids stuff - all their toys are coming to grandma's and I did a huge purge of their clothes last month, so everything that is in their drawers is coming with us. I think it's just all the coordinating that may kill me. I just keep trying to remember that in less than 3 months, we'll be in our own house. sigh.

then just to put me in my place, last night was puke-o-rama at our house. oh, good times. good. times. as poor nate sat on the toilet with his puke bucket in hand, I had to have a wee laugh about why I look so tired all the time. I have small children. they puke. they poo. they make messes. they are the reason for the stretch marks and the laugh lines. they are the reason I don't always have time to make calls at the end of the day or blog. but, I get to go to soccer games and laugh at my kid wearing plaid pants, socks and sandals. and at the end of the day, especially on nights where bed time is not a fight, I am just grateful. remind me of this on those other days...please?

still no picture. the email is just not coming through.