Wednesday, April 27, 2011

fix you

so the doctor's office never called.  which means pneumonia is unlikely.  considering that it's move up into my sinuses, that makes sense.  not too sure if I don't like breathing because my it feels like someone is sitting on my chest or if I don't like breathing because my nose is plugged.  both suck.  I'm in sucky-sick mode.  blah.  so, some wednesday cheer:

 {the natester got a shining star at school today...}

{for excellence in his writing}

I'll let you know that I think all the kids in his class got this, but hey.  I'll brag on the one I own!  kid number two has been educating me on "sm".  he says that there was a lady in the library that was telling them about "sm" and about how your brain sends fast messages to your nerves.  so I started asking.  "what's sm?"  okay, the kid really tried to get something out.  none of which made any sense.  then I had an "a-ha" moment.  he's talking about "ms" - multiple sclerosis.  he's a lefty and often makes reversals!  and what five year old can remember how to say multiple sclerosis?  not mine.  but hey, he tried really hard!  and although he's sad tonight that his favourite hockey player, pk subban, is not moving forward in the playoffs, I'm glad he could educate me about the nervous system!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


so I managed a half day of school today.  and that was just barely.  I seriously feel like I've had the wind kicked out of me.  so I saw my doctor - she swabbed my throat for strep and sent me for a chest x-ray to see if I have pneumonia.  apparently there was a crackle in my right lung.  I should know tomorrow.  meanwhile, I'm spending my night writing sub plans.  there is no way I can teach like this.  no voice.  no air.  no energy.  sigh.

however, my sweet nate made a card for me last night that just made me smile!

{such a pretty dress I'm wearing.  and I love that he drew my necklace - the one that has all of our names on it!  oh, and my hair.  love that too!}

he lost his fifth tooth in the middle of the night last night.  woke me up at 2 am to tell me.  it was already under his pillow waiting for the tooth fairy.  good times.  alas.  I need to sleep.  I just don't know if I'll be able to.  fun, fun times!

Monday, April 25, 2011


yes, it's british bands/song titles for blog titles this week in honour of the royal wedding!  and what can I say?  I'm in a coldplay mood!

and yes, this is my second post of the day.  I just wanted to show you the cards we made for club tonight.  I had such a good time, and it was a good distraction from feeling so sick.  that and the lovely alyssa came along with susan which was a nice treat too!!

 {one for mother's day}

{and one for father's day...even though this actual one says thank you!}

oh, and all products to make these lovely creatures are from stampin' up!

violet hill

nothing like the sore throat from hell to wreck a long weekend.  out of the blue, with no warning, it hit on saturday night.  and it was a solitary sore throat.  well, after barely sleeping on saturday night, sunday morning - the day in which I was suppose to start enjoying booze again...I mean the day that we are suppose to celebrate the resurrection of our saviour - was AWFUL.  I don't remember much of church {three extra strength cold f/x, some b12 plus advil cold and sinus makes for a foggy brain}, and dinner didn't taste completely right {thank goodness for take-home containers!}.  plus, chocolate doesn't taste quite as good since my round 1 of a lovely sugar challenge.  sigh.  I had one glass of wine with dinner.  a coveted bottle of layer cake {the shiraz} just wasn't as good as it was at christmas either.  nothing was good yesterday.  we walked in the house and I took some more meds and went straight to bed.  easter sunday sucked.

this morning, although it hasn't been a ton better, has been better.  we haven't had to leave the house.  I haven't had to shower yet {okay, but I totally need to because I STINK!}.  the kids are watching movies.  and I've been able to enjoy a pot of coffee with my mini bottle of baileys.  this cold has migrated from my throat into my sinuses and chest, but the whole "throat on fire" thing is gone.

so tomorrow I start my round two of a sugar challenge {I wasn't around for their round one so for me this is round two, not three!}.  I do make some modifications though.  last time, I cut almost all non-fruit and non-veggie carbs from my diet for two weeks.  I had some grains with dinner, but other than that, I stayed away from grain-based carbs for two weeks.  as a result of this decision, I did not limit my fruit intake, as they are doing in this challenge.  when all was said and done, I saw losses on the scale both weeks, even with this last week having some major hiccups {accidentally/on purpose sugar OD on thursday and ate out a TON on friday}.  because I'm so sick-ish today {and needed to get that mini of baileys out of my system...I've been looking at it for 7 weeks!!}, I am starting tomorrow.  and I am going to keep to my same modifications, only I am going to try having some grain-based carbs with lunch and do more of a salad with protein for dinner.  I just found it hard with school, to pack a salad every day.  not impossible, just difficult.  I'll try this for a bit and see if it makes a difference.  and yes, this means no booze for two more weeks.  I didn't do so bad for lent, so I can do two more weeks, right?  and I suppose if I just HAD to have a glass of wine, I could do one glass.  {yeah, like that ever happens!}  if this is a new lifestyle choice for me I will need to get real about where alcohol fits into it.

I have discovered, over this season of lent, that I can say no.  I can stick to my guns.  I can put up with the jokes and the ribbing from my colleagues.  I can follow through on my word.  I can live in moderation.  I am not a quitter.  I read something interesting this morning that just got me thinking:

"I am unfaithful.  I love the Avett Brothers' line "I like to think that I'm a faithful man but it may not be true" because that's me, always teetering.  I want to be one of the people who gets to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant" when I am finally face to face with God, but I kind of get the feeling it'll be more like, "Wow, you sure effed up a lot.  Good thing I gotcha covered."" {got this from Tamara Out Loud}.

and it's true.  I may have done the no-booze thing over lent, but that's about all I did.  I bailed on the rest of my lent commitments.  it's a good thing that perhaps that is the whole point.  it's in the failing that I recognize His strength.  it's in my inadequacies that I recognize His grace.  and it's in my unfaithfulness that I see that He is always faithful.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

strawberry swing

my long weekend {or maybe just the last week!} in pictures... {so far!}

 {lazing in bed on wednesday morning...well before the long weekend, but still how we do business here!!}

 {the berry smoothie; the boys and I make these for snack almost every night.  this one required a TI pirate cup!}

 {the painting that we all contributed to at church on friday morning}

 {voting at the advance polls on friday...only two out of four names were familiar on that ballot.  no signs, no pamphlets, no nothing on the bottom two.  just wrong.}

 {going for coffee, alone, after church, voting, buying groceries...the lovely doppio espresso con panna!}

 {getting the dye ready for the boys}

 {eggs were boiled and everything lined up}

 {yes, I bought a kit.  just be impressed that I didn't do it on sunday morning before church...'cause you know that has happened in the past!!}

{eggs the kids came home with this week}

{and these are our final products!}

I'll do a more in depth post later this weekend...
have a blessed easter. 

Monday, April 18, 2011

I bruise easily

day 8.  no headaches any more.  but I am fighting the psychological need I have for junk.  I have some "clean" sweets that I pull out in case of an emergency, but those are for emergencies only.  and the sugar in them is all natural.  so this week, my goal is to continue with no sugar {natural/clean, fake, natural-ish/unclean} no carbs until dinner {except fruits and veg} and to continue tracking everything I eat.  I survived today which means I can do this again tomorrow.  and be successful.  it took me many years to put weight on, it's not going to come off over night {I WISH!}; however, I feel like I am finally setting myself up for success.

okay.  I'm typing and falling asleep at the same time.  the kids went to bed early-ish {and without fighting, I may add!!} so I need to take advantage of the quiet house and attempt to get 7+ hours of sleep tonight...


Sunday, April 17, 2011


so my friend did a bit of a blog review/fave posts thing on her blog this weekend.  and she was kind enough to post my blog {thanks, suz!}.  I would reciprocate, since I think she's a great writer, brutally honest and super funny; however, she keeps all of her loveliness under lock and key!  some day soon, I'll get her to guest post something...!

okay, fave blog post #1:  my newest love, the gracious pantry.  and this post is what I am going to try to make for breakfast some point this week!

this site is a fantastic resource for recipes and meal ideas and they've all been modified so that they're clean and healthy!  PLUS, she puts all the nutritional information after the recipes, which is great for calculation points!

fave blog post #2:  this blog post popped up today.  and as are all of serena's posts, this one was timely on so many levels.  I quote her all the time and her perspective/thoughts/theology on grace have continued to renew my soul and it keeps me searching and looking for more in my relationship with God.

and this post, this morning, well go and read it for yourself.  I need to read it again.

fave blog post #3:  this one is not just one post.  I don't have a favourite post, it's just one of my favourite blogs.  it's a place that invites comments and conversation.  and I like that.  mandy is super authentic and I think I posted once {in her comments!} that I think she's a person I could be friends with in real life.

fave blog post #4:  and this one is not just one post either.  as a writer and storyteller {dude, that's what teaching social studies makes me!}, this blog excited me when it got started.  it features daily stories from some amazing bloggers and storytellers, with a focus on faith and controversy, it's totally up my alley!

go check out some of the stories - they rock! and they'll get you thinking.

okay - that's all I have for today {because trust me, I have lots more that I visit can check out the links on my side bar!} - what are your faves?

Saturday, April 16, 2011

billy brown

well yesterday was ROUGH.  super rough.  I've been clenching my teeth in my sleep.  how do I know?  I wake up with the worst headache ever.  yesterday I woke up with one of these and the meds I took were not even enough to make a small dent in it.  BRUTAL.  and it was not a pretty/easy/lovely day at school either.  {of course!}  needless to say, sleep is what usually gets rid of the monster, so I was in bed by 9.  and now up at 730!  sugar/carbs wise, it was a pretty good day.  since I was feeling so awful, I had a mid afternoon meal/snack of some cheese, an egg, apple and a small pita with peanut butter.  it didn't get rid of my headache, but I wasn't hungry again until about 7!  needless to say, it was an off day.  but I held the course with my eating.

and then I went to weight watchers this morning.  and I have to put everything in perspective.  I'll explain:  last week I didn't go.  I worked that casino last weekend, had been in the throws of the pms from hell, and had totally crashed/failed/feeling like a failure on that sugar challenge.  so last saturday, I stayed in bed.  I got on the scale the next day and I was up two pounds.  when I went this week, I was down 1.2 from two weeks ago {which in my head sounds like all my work was for nothing!!} when really, I was down 3 from  last sunday.  does that make any sense?  add in there that apparently my scale has a 1 pound difference in the WRONG direction...!!  yeah, it was hard not to be discouraged about this weeks progress.  remembering what the scale said last weekend helps.

okay.  and let's talk about something super important:  butternut squash.  why have I never eaten this before?  no seriously.  I love the stuff.  gonna go to costco this afternoon to get some more {it's impossible to find in this city as a whole squash...grrr}.

{and yes, I pay every week to get the stickers!!}

I do have deeper, more interesting things to write about but they're buried deep in the back of my head.  I'll gather my thoughts and get back to you!!  off to go pack a suitcase for the wee ones.  they are having a sleep over at grandma's tonight!  yippie!!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

in repair

just a heads up, this is a "yeah me" post.  so if you can't respond with a "you go girl", then stop reading.  I only want to hear the positives!!

1.  no headache today.
2.  there was a potluck at school today and I still brought my own lunch.  and I ate it.  in the same room as everyone else.  and I survived.
3.  I had two of my little chocolates to make me feel better about not eating the tub of cool whip that was sitting out for the potluck.  yes, I am still an emotional eater.
4.  I didn't really want the potluck food.  I really wanted my salad.  {so odd}
5.  other than that wee bit of chocolate, every other carb I ate today was a complex carb and most of it came from fruits and veggies.
6.  I made butternut squash for the first time ever, but then I was scared to eat it.  after trying it, I'm confused why I'm 38 and eating this treat for the first time ever.
7.  and I did 12 push ups and a half plank for no good reason.  SO ODD!

I am going to go out on a limb and say that I made it through detox.  PHEW!  now only ten more days to go!  two weeks of no sugar isn't easy by any means.  but I am having an easier time by really cutting out all simple carbs and relying on fruits and veggies for my complex carbs.  it's not a permanent diet change, there are totally healthy grains out there that are good and clean, but for now, it seems that cutting back on grains is helping me detox out of my sugar addiction.  plus.  I had a blueberry-kiwi protein smoothie for breakfast today that was so super good.  who knew I would need to find a place for my blender out on my counter?  now I just need to get to sleep earlier...

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

bridge over troubled water

yes, I'm watching american idol.  I can handle this show at this stage of the game.  no mom's are lying to their kids about being good singers when they are obviously tone deaf.  they all kick butt by the time the final ten hit.  I can even stomach j-lo and steven tyler.  but has been on a ton.  and I kinda like him.

okay.  so day three {because you're dying to know!!} and no chocolate required.  I had a short headache at around 5pm and it was short lived.  I was hungry.  and it had been a long afternoon {I was in the office.  it was l-o-n-g}.  needless to say, I avoided the chocolate chip cookies on connie's counter and made it home without a feeding frenzy.  I made chicken quesadilla's with low fat mozza, lots of veg and some of my favourite paul newman tequila lime salsa!  I use these uber healthy-super-high-fiber tortillas, load them up and throw them in the oven.  super easy and yummy.  it was all good.  then I did something even braver.  I went and bought some groceries.  the chocolate easter eggs were calling my name.  and I didn't listen.  yeah me!

and on a totally different note, I was going to tell you about a book I read last weekend:

it had been handed to me by a lady at school with a "you'd really like this",  okay.  then as I was walking down the hall with it in hand, another friend stopped me and told me how she had read it in one weekend and how much she loved it and how she just knew I'd love it too.  such enthusiasm!  mind you, these are people I trade books with all the time, so I do trust them.  and shockingly, they were right.  this book totally caught me off guard.  and in the first couple of pages I had it figured out.  but it had hooked me with it's narration.  it's told from the perspective of a five year old boy.  and it's hard for me to tell you much without giving it all away, but just the point of view that the author uses is enough to grab anyone. and partly because of the suspense.  and as a reader, you fall in love with jack right away.  and you never want anything to happen to him.  but on the flip side, something awful happened long before he was born that shapes his entire existence.  so I picked it up on saturday afternoon in the bath and didn't go to sleep until I was done.  it's not by any means a difficult book to read {which makes it a quick read} but it's a difficult book to get through because of the content.  all that to say this:  if you can get your hands on a copy, it's totally worth reading!  and when you're done reading it, LET'S TALK!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

ordinary day

and today was better than yesterday.  less headachy.  nothing until 4pm.  had to skip yoga at school today because my sister picked up the boys and ty had a complete meltdown.  just wouldn't stop.  he wasn't being bad, just really sad.  this is where the lack of communication is rough.  so I had her meet me at home and I came home early.  at that was it.  he was sad.  something is up with my kid.  sheesh.

anyways, I had two small pieces of 75% cocoa chocolate after lunch today.  and three chocolate covered coffee beans {and these aren't the awful, cheap, nasty ones...they're the really good dark chocolate ones}.  that was my only non-fruit based sugar intake on the day.  for dinner I had some non-fruit carbs.  I made a lovely 6 point pita pizza - loaded with spinach, peppers, canadian bacon and some low-fat mozza.  it was the best thing I've made for supper in a long time.  I proceeded to make a similar {kid friendly...ham & cheese only!} for the kids.  they didn't love the whole wheat pita bit, but too bad, so sad!  I kinda had a revelation today though...the less sugar {of the unnatural or added version} I eat, the more clean my eating is.  a lot more veg.  a lot more fruit.  smoothies with greek yogurt and blueberries.  yum.  and better yet, the less sugar I eat, the less points I'm eating.  I know.  this shouldn't be rocket science.  and it's not.  but it is tough.  and two days are done.  twelve more to go.  for the first time, I kinda believe it.  because all things considered, I feel kinda good.  I wasn't as tired this morning.  and if I can finish writing this and get some sleep, the same may be said about tomorrow too, I hope!!

found a quote yesterday:
{your past never defines your future}

which means that today's success or failure isn't going to define my day tomorrow.  in the words of miss shirley {of anne of green gables fame}, "tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it".  I'm going to embrace that.

Monday, April 11, 2011

things go round

it's been a day.  and I like mondays.  usually!  I was pretty good with the no sugar bit today.  mainly because I gave it a fair go.  and I planned in advance.  that always helps.  however, I was not counting on the MASSIVE headache I would get at around 1230.  yeah.  that lasted in some form until nearly 6pm.  grrr.  I caved at one point and ate 5 chocolate covered espresso beans.  other than that, all my sugar came from fruit sources.  and I didn't eat any carbs until dinner.  and then it was two pieces of bread.  and surprisingly, I feel okay this evening.  other than all the tears and yelling that happened in this house after supper tonight.  holy moly.  okay, so my pre-menopausal pms is in HIGH gear.  I haven't had it this bad in quite a long time.  all of last week sucked.  and today, I had an out of body parenting moment from hell.  there was a lot of screaming.  and a lot of hitting {mainly ty taking it out on me}.  and he cried.  and I sobbed.  and now he's cuddling with me.  but I just feel so helpless in parenting this kid.  he truly believes that no one gets to "be the boss of him".  changing his mind on this is becoming increasingly difficult.  usually I can be more detached with his tantrums, but today?  no such luck.  and did my head ache help?  nope.  sigh.

I did stay after school today and participate in a torture/yoga class with some of my colleagues.  headache or not, I made my body do some crazy things.  and I'm doing the same thing tomorrow after school.  moving this ol' body of mine is good, but I hurt!  and yes, I am officially complaining.

regardless, all of that to say this:  getting back on the wagon feels good.  I feel like less of a quitter, because I am now more of a "trying again" kind of girl than a "quitting again" kind.  plus, I feel like I can do this again tomorrow.  and I have all my food packed up.  and I've heard that if I can make it to the end of day three, that the headaches will go away.  I'll keep drinking tons of water.  and although I'm not a gum chewer {yes, I know there's fake sugar in gum...leave me alone about it!!}, gum saved me today.  gum, water and a package of peanut m&m's in my gym bag.  I am determined to have those m&ms still in my bag two weeks from now.

okay, the kidlet is being carried off to bed.  I have some fistful of mercy playing {I heart ben harper!} and I'm going to do some blog hopping.  apparently the whole day doesn't need to be awful just because a solid section in the middle was...WHO KNEW?  lol.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

may you be the road

a few of my favourite things:

{crazy rolls from teriyaki corner - a little sushi place just down the block!  crab, avocado, cucumber then tempura-ed.  super yummy!}

{some lovely tulips from save-on...nothing like grocery store flowers to make a day happy!}

{same shot, different finish...}

 {a picture of ty and his little friend from a couple of weeks ago.  I love this one!}

 {a pedicure - my sister gives the best ones and now my feet feel like they're ready for spring...happy, happy sunday!}

{three sleeping boys in bed as I get ready for church this morning}

it was a nice, refreshing weekend.  john was off this weekend, so it allowed for some real downtime.  I slept in on saturday {I had volunteered at a casino on friday night and didn't get home until almost 3am, so a sleep in was in order!}, my friend came over to scrapbook for a while - I made cards, she did some pages in her scrapbook.  it was lovely and needed.  the kids played outside.  they biked and played in the puddles.  and I read an entire book on saturday night {I'll review it this week!}, while having a bath and crawling into bed super early!  then today was such a good sunday.  I played the piano at church, so I had to be there early {not complaining though...}, after church john and I took the boys for sushi.  okay, they had spring rolls, john had a noodle bowl and I had sushi.  then it was home for a bit and off again to my mom's {alone!} for a pedi.  my sister seriously gives the best pedicure.  she is an esthetician by trade, but is upgrading at school right now, so she just sets up in my mom's basement when we're all in need.  it's a good gig.  while she was on lady #2 {my mom's friend - I was #1}, I went for a run-walk-interval workout on the treadmill.  25 minutes of good times.  it had been WAY TOO LONG!  my legs are super sore now, but it felt really good.  I had supper at my mom's, did some grocery shopping and came home. john had fed the kids and had them in the bath when I walked in the house.  it's this that I miss most when he's working on the weekends.  this rest.  this break.  sigh.

so while running today, I had a bit of a talk with myself.  I am going to choose NOT to give up.  so I had a bad sugar week.  who cares.  failure is choosing not to try again.  I am going to get up and try again.  I have packed my lunch/snacks/day for tomorrow and I am going to give it a fair shake.  because I am not a quitter.  and even if I can't do every day, every day that I can do will matter.  I read a bunch of motivational quotes over the weekend and I was reminded that trying and failing and then trying again {and failing a kazillion times more} does not make me a failure.  it makes me human.  and it's time to cut myself some slack.  and just keep trying.

how was your weekend?  did you find some rest?

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

fools tattoo

sleep issues.  I currently have them.  could be the amount of coffee I had today.  ha!  moral of the story:  don't have a double shot espresso con panna at 830 on a wednesday night.

in re-reading yesterday's post {and spending some time in self-analyzation}, I realized something kinda important.  there is one area of my life that I have full {okay, like 85%} confidence in.  and that's my professional life.  at school, I am a finisher.  a bit of a procrastinator, but highly efficient.  I don't give up on kids, on myself, my colleagues, or general crap that flies my way.  at school, I am relentless.  passionate.  empowered.  I teach difficult kids.  and I'm good at it.  and I love it.  so why doesn't that translate to the rest of my life?  yeah, not too sure.  this is the question I am left asking.  am I the only one that thinks this is really strange?  do all of these really great things about me go away when I walk into my house?  or are there 30 some odd years of some really bad self-talk that habitually takes over when I don't need to be "on"?  not too sure that I need answers right now, but it is something I need to think about.

on another note, totally addicted to a scrabble game on my phone.  words with friend.  the free version.  I suck at scrabble, but am having fun with it.  download it and challenge me to a game - my handle is cori1972 :o)

I beat one random person but am losing to my friend who apparently knows words like qi and surley.  sheesh.  anyways, add me.  I'll play you.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

papa was a rolling stone

this has not been my best week.

It seems as if all my bridges have been burned,
You say that’s exactly how this grace thing works
It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive at the restart
{mumford & sons - roll away your stone}

these lyrics are kinda how I'm feeling.  like I just muck everything up all the time.  the ol' hormones have kicked in big time this week and my head is haunting me.  I don't have the energy to fight and in not having the energy, my self-destructive tendencies start to kick in.  self-implosion.  okay, so maybe I'm being just slightly dramatic.  or maybe I am just beginning to recognize this before it hits and I'm in the middle of it.  bottom line, I'm my worst enemy.  I don't cut myself slack, because in my head all I do is cut myself too much slack!  and this whole two weeks with no sugar is proof of that.  yeah.  I haven't recovered from the weekend.  at all.  not too sure if I can.  ha!  but on the flip side, I've held down my lent-no-booze-committment without any problem.  so it's not that I give up on everything.  so I shouldn't be so hard on myself, should I?  grrr.  {don't worry...this isn't even really making any sense to me either.  I'm a tired, rambling girl tonight!}

I think it boils down to this:  I have lived my life being called a procrastinator, believing that I had no discipline, being told that I always gave up and took the easy way.  and to this day, I believe them to be true.  so I live up to what I believe.  and I can pull proof out and show you throughout my adult life how I gave up on things, changed my mind, caved, conceeded, waited until the last minute, and avoided hard work.  never do I look at these situations, this proof, and see how no one guided me or mentored me when I didn't understand the path to take or how my childhood/church/upbringing distorted my view and crippled me, forcing me to be so unsure of myself.  I don't look at how I was bullied by a classmate in school.  I don't look at how little I trust people.  I don't look at anyone else and their adult decisions, just how once again I didn't measure up to expectations.  I don't cut myself any slack.  and I don't forgive myself.  I don't even know how.  so here I sit, giving up again.  and beating myself up over it.

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
This weakness I feel I must finally show
{mumford & sons - awake my soul}


so I guess it's time to change the soundtrack of my life.  the tape player in my head that consistently sends me messages that are lies.  grace is for me.  for my life.  for my sin.  for my salvation.  for my relationships.  the welcome I receive at the restart.  sometimes I get it.  this week I know it, but I feel so far away.  which I am learning is when I am closer, more surrounded, more loved than I even know.

okay, I know this is pretty raw honesty here.  but it's my cheap therapy.  sometimes talking {writing!} it out totally helps.  not too sure tonight, but it gets the conversation started.  for me at least.

Sunday, April 03, 2011

midnight rocker

okay, so day two sucked.  don't get me wrong, it was a good day, but awful in the sugar department!  what can I say?  4:00 hit and it wasn't happy.  the nutella called my name.  the first tablespoon was lovely.  the second pretty good.  the third was icky sweet.  it's kinda a good thing that sugar is my drug of choice because if it was anything else, it would be awful.  it was awful anyways.  relapses are not good for my soul.  I'm not a "get back on the horse" kind of girl.  I'm a "throw in the towel / failure is eminent" kind of girl.  so it's a big deal that I am going to get back on the horse and start fresh again tomorrow.  I am not going to let this wreck my day.  or week.  because I showed up at weight watchers this morning and was down 0.8...which almost is what I was up last week!  man I suck at this.  maybe it's that my body likes this.  nope, that can't be it.  sigh.

Friday, April 01, 2011

wake up

I did something severe.  last night.  without much thought.  thoughtless and severe.  and good for my health.

back in november I worked hard to cut out fake sugar from my diet.  I quit drinking diet soda, cut out high fructose crap stuff, and had started to walk towards the life of clean eating.  then january happened.  cold, dark, bad meds.  that january.  although I kept the diet soda out of my diet, the junk crept back in.  and the five pounds that settled on my thighs is still there.  that's because I can control a lot of things, but I am totally and unequivocally addicted to sugar.  and although I don't have any real proof, I completely believe that my sugar issues are what is zapping my energy and making it so hard to lose any weight at all.

so, in an effort to shake it up a bit, I've done something drastic.  I've committed to two weeks of sugar-free eating.  a complete cleanse.  I went to find a recipe on one of my favourite recipe sites last night and I saw this challenge.  without giving it too much thought, I committed.  and now I may be freaking out just a bit.  two full weeks.  maybe not thinking stuff like this through too much is a good thing.  I probably would have talked myself out of it!  anyways, I am suspecting that the next 72 hours are going to be rough, but if I can get to monday, it'll be do-able.  I'll keep you posted!