Tuesday, December 31, 2013

all alright

it's new years eve.  the end of one year and the beginning of another.  my motivation for doing much of anything has been lacking in the last week.  my ideal christmas break includes a lot of coffee and a lot of tv.  these two things have been solidly accomplished.  oh, and I've slapped myself upside the head for being a whiner and I've started eating like an adult.  clean, healthy, in moderation.  it was a tough fall.  that's my only lame-ass excuse.

restore was my word for 2013.  it was a really great word.  needed in a time where my focus needed to be inward.  "He restores my soul" was my mantra for this year.  and in many ways, this has come to fruition.  yet, I'm not feeling very restored.  I'm feeling tired.  asleep.  unmotivated.  hesitant.

I'm listening to mumford & sons right now:

how fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
and now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
my weakness I feel I must finally show
lend me you hand and we'll conquer them all
but lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
lend me your eyes I can change what you see
but your soul you must keep totally free

awake my soul.

{my word for 2014 may have just found me.  that's for tomorrow though.}  although I don't feel it right in this moment, there has been a lot of restoration, reconstruction, resurrection in my world this past year.  change has been a prevalent theme for many around me.  although touched by change in my own little world, I could have never predicted that when the word restore found it's way into my heart that I would have the opportunity to be instrumental in the restoration of others as well.  and the refrain of my life plays again:  it's not all about you, cor.

I deeply contemplated keeping the word restore for another year.  I feel like I touched just the tip of the iceberg with it.  "there's no good reason why I can't move on...it was all alright and now it's all all wrong," sings the zac brown band in my ear right now.  okay, so they're singing a break up song, but you get the picture.  oh, and my boyfriend dave is on drums.  that's important.  "I'm as lost as a feather in a hurricane" - love that lyric.  okay, so I got off track and distracted by dave grohl.  fickle, I know!

maybe that's why I like new years eve.  it's like that last dance with a boyfriend that you know you can't hold on to anymore.  time to break up with the old and embrace what the new year brings.  time to shut the door on a year that was difficult and laborious and open up to the opportunities that 2014 will bring.

and in it all, it's me who has changed.  even if just a little bit.  I am not the same as I was 365 days ago.

neither are you.  one last dance.  then it's goodbye.  you were fun to play with, 2013, but far too difficult to live with for longer than necessary.  I'll wear the good memories like a badge in my {partially} restored heart.


Sunday, December 22, 2013


it's cold.  it's snowy.  we're on movie #2 in the "the santa clause" series.  but the sun is shining and there is baileys in my coffee.  have I done any shopping yet?  HECK NO!  ha!  okay, well there has been some on-line shopping but nothing is here yet.  EEEKKKK!  oh well.  I have a plan b.  it's ALL good. sigh.

A Christmas Version of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah that will Give You Chills! from theremix on GodTube.

then there was this.  man, I need to get my piano tuned.  I keep wearing "bah humbug" t-shirts...and it's how I feel.  it's time to start spreading the joy.  three more sleeps!

Monday, December 16, 2013

o christmas tree

I hate that song.  way to start a post on "choosing joy" with such a negative slant, eh?  ha!  it's late, I'm tired, this week is stupid busy and I didn't really want to write.  that said, my oven has less than four minutes left on the timer, then I get to go to bed and watch some justified!  so today, I want to make a list of things I'm grateful for:

1.  my car hasn't called it quits yet.
2.  my hubs got a promotion at work.
3.  concert rehearsals went well today at school, considering we have a sick music teacher {not me} and a piano play who hasn't played any of the music until today {me}.
4.  we had a major scheduling crisis in jr high that got solved quite easily.
5.  my secret santa likes me!
6.  the kids went to bed without a fight.
7.  I got to pay for coffee for the car behind me in line at starbucks this morning.
8.  justified.  season 1.
9.  the grohl sessions - the zac brown band.
10.  getting on the scale this morning and being pushed into action.  sheesh.
11.  new teas.
12.  I can't think of a number 12.  and my buzzer went off.  sweet potatoes for tomorrow are done!

what are you grateful for?

Sunday, December 15, 2013

bridge over troubled waters

I had big plans to do a countdown to christmas based on the idea of joy.  choose joy to be exact.  you know, as in the tattoo I wear on my arm.  I've been learning over the past week is that a grateful, generous heart is a joy-filled heart.  this is a very loaded sentence.  one that I need to work on unpacking.  it's filled with truth and intensity and a way of living that I want to meet head on.

I have not been filled with joy in the last while.  I've been cranky.  quite horrible to be around.  and I'm hating on my bad attitude.  I wore my humbug t-shirt for #funshirtfriday {I'm trying to start something, people.  join me!!} and it's really how I feel.  sad but true.

well, I'm done.  I'm miserable because I'm choosing to be.  time to choose something different.  I've been wallowing in the busy that is my life for the last few months.  school has been ridiculously difficult.  I am tired.  I am weak.  I am worn.  and I'm done.  so, I'm going to end 2013 with a bang.

join with me.  choose joy.  blog about it, instagram it, tweet it, or don't talk about it at all.  but make a decision to be a mirror this season, reflecting the reason for why we celebrate christmas.  and I'm going to try blogging about it for the next 10 days!  join with me.  choose joy.