Wednesday, December 31, 2014

leaving it up to you

so are you listening to george ezra yet?  WHY THE HECK NOT??  ha!  budapest is his breakout hit this fall, but the whole album is pretty rock solid.  it's in the lumineers or of mice and men kind of vein of music.  LOVE.

it's new years eve day.  my belly hurts.

we got to go out last night, to one of my favourite places, with some of my favourite people.  I ate fritters - deep fried dough of loveliness.  hence the sore belly.  alas, an evening out on whyte ave...I'm not going to complain.  instead, it's a breakfast of eggs, ham and guac.  and coffee.  lots of coffee.

so on this lovely new years eve day, I took a look at some of the pictures I took in this last year.

{oilers meet and greet - love those smiles!}

 {this.  I need to learn this.}

 {I was introduced to Boston this year.  LOVE.}

{time spent with friends.}

{smiles on a difficult day.  this is my grandmother's legacy.  these faces.}

{birthday gifts...}

{...and money saved!}

{he's a good kid.}


{new job titles.}


{new car.}

{playing with cousins and uncles.}


{...and pools!}



{foy vance...and folk fest.}

{these ones.}


{life at a rink.}

{long, lazy, warm autumns...almost unheard of, but so good for the soul!}

{bestie birthday parties in ottawa!}

{a relaxing Christmas.}

{we hope you have an amazing 2015!}

Monday, December 29, 2014

blame it on me

hello old friend.  it's been a while.

I suppose to say it's been a busy fall would be an understatement.  I suppose it's been no more or less busy than every other fall.  hockey.  soccer.  school.  a husband that works nights.  that's the busy on the surface.

scratch beneath the surface and the cavern below starts to rear it's ugly head.  mixed metaphors.  fun times.  ha!

1.  the lovely kid that doesn't like to sleep.  we suspect that he has some anxiety issues.  to discount this as a major source of time and energy would be wrong.  it's sucking me dry.  arrggg!

2.  the other lovely kid that is in grade six this year.  we are feeling the need to be more plugged into his life.  don't ask me if I feel like I'm doing a decent job of this, but spending time with my almost-twelve-year-old is pretty important right now.

3.  I've been gone.  A LOT.  hockey tournament in Calgary.  retreat in Banff.  birthday party in Ottawa.  pd in Boston.  I've been gone more in the last four months than I ever have been in the fall.  don't mistake it for complaining.  I'm grateful that I've been able to go and do the things I've done this fall; it just adds to the stress level.  just a wee bit.

and at the end of the day, I have forgotten about the things that keep my stress in check.  music.  writing.  solitude.  and maybe most importantly, gratitude.  I think maybe I've lost my way a bit.  busy is never my excuse, it really is my reality.  however, I've been using it as an excuse not to take care of myself.  and I have been paying the price.  I feel like my relationships are strained.  my health is sucky {don't ask me how many pounds I've added to my ass over the last year}.  my joy is eroded.  I'm not loving the person that is exiting 2014.

time to change that.  I wear a tattoo on my arm that says "choose joy".  it's in honour of a legacy that I don't always honour.  it's time to change that too.  if joy is a choice, then I haven't been choosing wisely.  I've been wallowing in self-loathing and stress.  and as a result, I'm tired.  as 2014 so quickly comes to a close, I actually want to finish strong.  I want it to go out with a bang, not a mere whimper that is all about me.  'cause it's not.

I've not been a fan of new years resolutions.  I think they set us up for failure.  I am a fan of change though.  and radical change.  so it starts now.  why wait until thursday?  so, right here, right now, I am pledging my intention: 

my word for 2014 was awake.  it's taken me until today to figure out what that means.