Monday, May 18, 2015

it will come back

first of all, I need to send out a big thank you.  I don't write for anyone specifically and for everyone in general.  mainly I write for me.  it's a part of taking care of my own mental wellness.  needless to say, I don't write for likes, shares or comments.  but it was really kind to see my blog traffic increase and the amount of support I experienced {on fb, specifically}, in regards to my last post.  I would hope that I always write from a place of vulnerability and authenticity, but I know that's not always the truth.  somedays I just write to get touches on the ball and not worry so much about kicking it through the goal net.  anyways, this is my thank you.  thank you for supporting me.  encouraging me. loving on me.  especially through a very raw post.

so it's monday.  the monday of a four-day long weekend.  and as a family, we've succeeded in doing nothing and not hating each other.  we revolve in a world of go.  soccer four nights a week.  hockey one to two nights a week.  and a husband that works five nights a week.  sometimes just pulling the plug on activities for a few days {okay, there were none scheduled!!}, makes all the difference in the world.  movies.  playing outside with friends.  swimming with cousins.  playing with other cousins.  street hockey with friends.  a lot of coffee.  and a lot of nothing.  part of me feels guilty that I accomplished nothing.  but maybe in not feeling stressed about getting anything done, I accomplished something bigger:  rest.

I suck at rest.  pressing pause.  taking a deep breath.  I really do.

and then I wonder why I'm exhausted all the time.  and always in fight mode.

well, perhaps this needs to change.  lower the expectations when I have a few moments in the margin.  be okay with that pile of papers on the counter.  not fret if the boys laundry is all where it's suppose to be.  take care of me.  and then be better at taking care of them.

it always cycles back to that principle.  taking care of me.  filling my jar.  so ultimately, I can care for others.  give to others.  be there for others.  because really, that is my joy.

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